Topic: New CIH Flair on Facebook

If you're on Facebook, be sure and ADD "Commercials I Hate" as one of your Pages!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Commercials-I-Hate/13876314165

And if you have the Pieces of Flair application for Facebook (highly recommended!!!!!)
You can add these new "Commercials I Hate" Pieces of Flair!

Repeat Offender: Wayne Wilderson

Meet Wayne Wilderson.

He's teaching a group of kids about the Chevy Tahoe.



He's the friendly Washington Mutual banker who is so embarrassed by that flock of old "white man" bankers.



Want to rent a car from Avis, he's your man.

Popeye's Fried Chicken? He's done it.

And the Fruit of the Loom guys? He's the grape.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I may have found the only black man in America.

What if the ad agencies couldn't find Wayne?
There could possibly be no black people in commercials that day.

I believe Wayne actually inherited the role of "the only black guy in every commercial on TV"
from this man, Thom Barry, who has since graduated to the cast of Cold Case.

I am tired of ASKING. "Are you in line?"

Okay, people. We've been doing this since we were four years old.
It's time to learn HOW to STAND in line.
Nobody likes to stand in line. I'm not asking you to like it. Just do it.

Please. If there are people in line when you arrive, please take a moment to notice what direction the line is pointing in.
Now stand behind the last person in line. No, no, no, wait. Not over there. Come back over here. Thaaat's right.
You want to position yourself so that the person in front of you is between you and the person in front of them.

See? Now you're in a line. You're not standing three feet away and off to one side.
No one needs to ask you if you're in line. You are a living breathing part of the line. Isn't that better?

Okay now wait a moment. I can see you're excited about finally being a part of the line. But hey - not so close!
The person in front of you doesn't need to feel the twin blasts of breath from your nostrils on the back of their neck.
They also do not need to feel the cold metallic kiss of the buckle on your purse or belt. Back off a little bit.

Hey, not so far! You only need to back off a little. Now there's room for one or two more people in front of you.
Everyone will ask you if you're in line or not! Don't you want to be a part of the line?
Step forward, so that you are 12 to 18 inches from the person in front of you.
And here's the key - when the person in front of you steps forward - you step forward, too.

Who are these morons that leave all the space in the line? Scoot up!
Please don't make me ask if you're in line or not. Just get in the fucking line. Please.

The RIAA and Illegal Downloading

Every day on the news, the RIAA is going ape shit over file-sharing services ruining their business. People can download music for free, says the RIAA, and those are people who aren't buying cd's in the store.
I'd like to point out that the Public Library System has been in place forever. Anyone who wants to read the latest bestseller can get it for free at the library, where it is then passed on to another reader. There's two readers that didn't buy the book. And I don't hear the publishing industry raising hell over it.
People still buy books, and publishers still get paid.
Writers don't drive Bentleys upholstered with Burberry fabric. I didn't see Chuck Palahniuk on MTV Cribs. Recording artists are paid exorbitant sums.
How dare the RIAA even imply that file sharing is taking food out of anyone's mouth! It's so stupid and transparent, it's making my head hurt.

To the tiny woman in the Cadillac Escalade who nearly ran me onto the shoulder this morning.

Excuse me. This is a merging lane and I'm attempting to merge onto the freeway now. It's clearly my turn. I'm not sure why you keep scooting up. Where do you expect me to go? It's supposed to be like a zipper, lady. One car from your lane, then one car from mine. We merge and then we go about our business. Zzzz-zip. Hey, what are you doing? Please stop inching forward. Hey. Hey. Okay, please listen to my horn now for the next fifteen seconds. You like that? I'd like to now direct your attention to my hoisted middle finger. Yes, that's right, apply your brakes now. Oh, you can see me now! I understand. You forget to look down here sometimes. And now I can see you. Hair-do, knuckles and steering wheel. Nice death machine you have there. How many people are in there with you? None? Really? What the fuck are you driving that thing for? You don't even know how to control it. You can't see a car right next to you. You are a danger to yourself and everyone on the road. Why are you driving that outrageous monstrosity? You look like a tiny white termite in a gorilla's nostril. Now you must know what your own tiny brain feels like rattling around inside your head. What are you, hauling construction beams in that thing? What do you need it for? Wait, I know. It's to feed your idiot greed and lust for stupid expensive sh*t. Well, we're all very impressed here on the 101 Freeway. Oh, I can't see you in my rearview mirror anymore. You're a little speck back there. Gosh, you drive so slowly when traffic is moving, I wonder why you were in such a hurry when the traffic was stopped? Maybe you're on the phone now and can't be bothered to step on the gas. If only the people behind you could see the 50 feet of empty road in front of you. I bet they'd like to be driving on it. Well, this has been fun. I'll leave you behind for now. See you tomorrow!