Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The RIAA and Illegal Downloading

Every day on the news, the RIAA is going ape shit over file-sharing services ruining their business. People can download music for free, says the RIAA, and those are people who aren't buying cd's in the store.
I'd like to point out that the Public Library System has been in place forever. Anyone who wants to read the latest bestseller can get it for free at the library, where it is then passed on to another reader. There's two readers that didn't buy the book. And I don't hear the publishing industry raising hell over it.
People still buy books, and publishers still get paid.
Writers don't drive Bentleys upholstered with Burberry fabric. I didn't see Chuck Palahniuk on MTV Cribs. Recording artists are paid exorbitant sums.
How dare the RIAA even imply that file sharing is taking food out of anyone's mouth! It's so stupid and transparent, it's making my head hurt.

To the tiny woman in the Cadillac Escalade who nearly ran me onto the shoulder this morning.



Excuse me. This is a merging lane and I'm attempting to merge onto the freeway now. It's clearly my turn. I'm not sure why you keep scooting up. Where do you expect me to go? It's supposed to be like a zipper, lady. One car from your lane, then one car from mine. We merge and then we go about our business. Zzzz-zip. Hey, what are you doing? Please stop inching forward. Hey. Hey. Okay, please listen to my horn now for the next fifteen seconds. You like that? I'd like to now direct your attention to my hoisted middle finger. Yes, that's right, apply your brakes now. Oh, you can see me now! I understand. You forget to look down here sometimes. And now I can see you. Hair-do, knuckles and steering wheel. Nice death machine you have there. How many people are in there with you? None? Really? What the fuck are you driving that thing for? You don't even know how to control it. You can't see a car right next to you. You are a danger to yourself and everyone on the road. Why are you driving that outrageous monstrosity? You look like a tiny white termite in a gorilla's nostril. Now you must know what your own tiny brain feels like rattling around inside your head. What are you, hauling construction beams in that thing? What do you need it for? Wait, I know. It's to feed your idiot greed and lust for stupid expensive sh*t. Well, we're all very impressed here on the 101 Freeway. Oh, I can't see you in my rearview mirror anymore. You're a little speck back there. Gosh, you drive so slowly when traffic is moving, I wonder why you were in such a hurry when the traffic was stopped? Maybe you're on the phone now and can't be bothered to step on the gas. If only the people behind you could see the 50 feet of empty road in front of you. I bet they'd like to be driving on it. Well, this has been fun. I'll leave you behind for now. See you tomorrow!