Your website

Nathan [or is it Nate?]:

    I stumbled upon your website today and I have to tell you I have not laughed that hard since Minnesota elected Jessie Ventura to be governor. You are by far one of the wittiest people I have ever encountered and I thoroughly enjoyed pouring through your acerbic rants and biting rebuttals to the idiot savants who felt the need to throw their two cents into the ring. I even found myself ranting when I got home whenever a stupid commercial came on, much to the chagrin of my roommate who, after about ten minutes, threw up her hands and went to buy a bottle of wine. Is that a natural reaction? Do you drive people to drink?

    Anyway, I made a few observations of my own and thought I would share them with you really quick before someone at work actually catches on to the fact that I have spent three or four days avoiding work. Thank God law school starts in four weeks and I am out of here in three, because if they had any idea how little I actually do during the day, I probably would have been fired months ago.

    1.     Respectcopyrights.org: Have you seen this piece of advertising? Sean Astin and Ben Affleck flicking across the screen among a litany of underpaid, undervalued minimum wage workers who they claim are also affected by piracy? Yeah, because my downloading Bruce Almighty from KaZaA means that some teenage stoner working at the local theater is going to be prevented from making $5.15 an hour. Here's a novel idea Ben, you don't want me to download your movies off a pirate website, stop charging $17.00 for shit movies and overdone plot lines. Make a movie with substance for once and depend upon that little skill that requires you to be in Hollywood, called acting, instead of your chiseled features and tabloid notoriety. And on that note, if the Supreme Court can put a moratorium on the death penalty because it is cruel and unusual punishment, can't we do the same thing to prevent J Lo from acting, singing, appearing in public?

    2.    Any tourism advertisement for any state in the Midwest. I live in the Midwest, and I can tell you, people in New York and California don't sit around watching television, see these commercials and think, I have never been to the Lake of the Ozarks, that sounds like a fun family trip of inbreeding and illiteracy. People don't visit Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas and Missouri because they like the atmosphere. They visit these states because their goddamned car broke down here while they were on their way to a much more exciting city. We are not tourist traps, we are simply traps for the weary traveler who's flight is cancelled because there is snow in fucking September and they are stuck at some Budget 8 in historical downtown [insert Midwest city here] where the cacophony of one way streets is so utterly untraversable that it would Magellan a migraine headache. Stop pretending that we have anything to offer other than creatively placed trailer parks and an overabundance of unwed teenage mothers, we are not a cultural hub.

    3.    Those fucking 10 10 ... numbers. Some things belong in the 1980s; acid wash jeans, diamond rolled cuffs, Hulk Hogan and Alf. Tell me what a furry alien would know about my phone bill. Did the 10 10 execs sit around and attempt to think up ways to insult the intelligence of the average consumer? And when did Hulk Hogan start acting? Isn't that like Jessie Ventura being elected governor? Oh, wait....

    4.    Any commercial that uses a cute cartoon or a talking animal to sell its product. Does a bear shit in the woods? Why yes he does, but for $15.00 a roll he can have the added comfort of new Charmin, "is this a down comforter or toilet paper", Super Colossal Quilt. Is it just me or is it a little disturbing to actually contemplate purchasing a bathroom tissue based on a cartoon character's bowel movements? And what is up with the Gecko? Did they actually pay someone to come up with this idea? "Well lets see, Gecko kind of sounds like GEICO and everyone loves that annoying Taco Bell dog, I think we have a winner...."  I mean really what does a Gecko have to do with me crashing into so old lady who refuses to use her turn signals for fear that she will burn out the fucking light bulb?

    Thanks for providing quality entertainment and allowing me to sound off a little. It's a great website and you are just hilarious!

Jenn