Subject: Commercials I Hate
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 03:06:05 -0400
From: "dreamweavercatcher" (dreamweavercatcher@msn.com)
To: nathan @ commercialsihate.com
It's an amazing society we live in these days. I mean when some lonely pretty boy punk has nothing better to do than to sit around and bitch about the shit being shown on TV--and then to actually dedicate the time and effort to making a web site about it, just flat out amazes me. I know when I see shit on TV I don't like, I just change the fucking channel, it's that simple. But then again I don't have the time to sit around and watch TV to the point of being motivated enough to contribute a tremendous portion of my life to analyse commercials--give me a fucking break. If you've got that much time on your hands, why don't you do the world a favor and piss on a high output electrical generator. That would be something worth showing on TV. But the world does need people like you--those that pursue and acheive a college degree, and then become a tree stump and do nothing but bitch and moan about something they have no control over. Then there's folks like me--people that use their head and do cool shit, like teach young men and women how to fly F-15 fighters for a living, make damn good money for it, have bragging rights, and have everything else a person could ask for. But I suppose these variations in our society just keeps the economy balanced in our wonderful country. Sincerely, A highly motivated, dedicated, never going to quit kicking ass, red-blooded American.
Friday, October 25, 2002
Friday, May 24, 2002
Rufus
Subject: Rufus
Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 11:39:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: Norma
I love Rufus! I want to adopt his sister. No such luck of that happening so please, can you tell
this not so young lady what breed he is? Thank you.
Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 11:39:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: Norma
I love Rufus! I want to adopt his sister. No such luck of that happening so please, can you tell
this not so young lady what breed he is? Thank you.
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
I DON'T work for GATORADE
Subject: gatorade
Date: Wed, 3 Apr 2002 21:38:04 EST
From: LAWENTERP@aol.com
To: nathan @ commercialsihate.com
The Alpine Snow frost was my favorite flavor and it was stopped
being made.
So I would really appreciate if you can please start making the
Alpine Snow
Frost thank you.
Subject: Re: gatorade
Date: Wed, 03 Apr 2002 19:57:38 +0000
From: Nathan Alexander <nathan @ commercialsihate.com>
To: LAWENTERP@aol.com
I'm pretty sure you know I don't work for Gatorade,
since I said all those nasty things about Gatorade on my website.
I'm afraid I don't have the capacity to start making Alpine Snow.
I can pee, but that's about the best I can do.
-Nathan Alexander
Commercials I Hate
Subject: Re: gatorade
Date: Thu, 4 Apr 2002 09:46:14 EST
From: LAWENTERP@aol.com
To: nathan @ commercialsihate.com
please please please start making Alpine Snow.
Subject: hi
Date: Sun, 7 Apr 2002 15:47:13 EDT
From: LAWENTERP@aol.com
To: nathan @ commercialsihate.com
make Alpine Snow for the US
Subject: Re: hi
Date: Mon, 08 Apr 2002 16:10:54 -0400
From: <nathan @ commercialsihate.com>
To: LAWENTERP@aol.com<
Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough
that I do not work for Gatorade
and have no affiliation with Gatorade whatsoever.
I have had absolutely no involvement in the decision to discontinue
the "Frost" Alpine Snow flavor, and I'm actually glad
about it because I think the flavor was a bonehead move in the
first place. I think we all know what snow tastes like, Alpine
or not. If I want a beverage that tastes like snow, I will drink
the Burbank tap water that comes out of my kitchen faucet. I
often do.
I'd also like to point out that Gatorade is absolutely loaded
with sodium, despite its vague claim of "Low Sodium"
on the label.
It's true that the sodium level is low compared to a
canister of table salt, but the sodium level in Gatorade is higher,
not lower than competing sports drinks like Powerade.
You would be much better off drinking water, which, as I have
already pointed out, tastes
exactly like snow. If you drink Evian you are actually drinking
melted Alpine snow straight from the fucking Alps.
If you are looking for a beverage comparable to the old Gatorade
Frost, I'd like to suggest Powerade's Arctic Shatter, a white
variety that tastes like the sugar-water kids feed to
caterpillars in an 8th grade Biology class.
If that's not close enough for you, why not take grapefruit
juice and dilute it 10:1 with soapy dishwater? That's what the
stuff always tasted like to me.
If you have any further concerns, I suggest you take it up
with the Gatorade people.
Thank you so much,
Nathan Alexander
Commercials I Hate
Subject: Re: hi
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 21:19:38 EDT
From: LAWENTERP@aol.com
To: nathan @ commercialsihate.com
Do you know the email address for the Gatorade people.
Subject: Re: Re: hi
Date: Tue, 09 Apr 2002 13:29:05 -0400
From: <nathan @ commercialsihate.com>
To: LAWENTERP@aol.com
I've managed to deduce from our previous correspondence that
you have access to something called the internet. It may interest
you to know that the internet is not only a way to annoy strangers,
but also a powerful research tool. You may find special web sites
called "search engines," devoted to finding things.
A popular one can be found at http://www.google.com . Why not
search for "Gatorade" and see where it takes you? Happy
hunting, and good luck in the wide open world of the internet!
Nathan Alexander
Commercials I Hate
Thursday, July 26, 2001
Angry Pizza Driver
Subject: Commercials I Hate
Date: Thu, 26 Jul 2001 10:37:15 GMT
From: Angry Pizza Driver
Nathan Alexander,
I like your criticism of the DiGiorno commercial except for the last
sentence. It reads, "What are you supposed to answer to 'Who delivered?' I
would have said 'Some loser in a hatchback.'" It's fine to criticize stupid
TV commercials in the brilliant and hilarious way you have throughout your
site, but to slam hard-working employees is quite another thing. Please
change the last sentence so as to not insult pizza delivery drivers. We are
not losers and most of us drive better cars than a hatchback.
It's appalling that people want pizza delivery and don't respect the
service.
Pizza driver homepage
http://tipthepizzaguy.com
Date: Thu, 26 Jul 2001 10:37:15 GMT
From: Angry Pizza Driver
Nathan Alexander,
I like your criticism of the DiGiorno commercial except for the last
sentence. It reads, "What are you supposed to answer to 'Who delivered?' I
would have said 'Some loser in a hatchback.'" It's fine to criticize stupid
TV commercials in the brilliant and hilarious way you have throughout your
site, but to slam hard-working employees is quite another thing. Please
change the last sentence so as to not insult pizza delivery drivers. We are
not losers and most of us drive better cars than a hatchback.
It's appalling that people want pizza delivery and don't respect the
service.
Pizza driver homepage
http://tipthepizzaguy.com
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
Jenga!
Subject: jenga commercial
Date: 25 Apr 2001 08:34:22 -0700
From: Ted
Do you remember that jenga song that starts like this:
Jenga, Jenga, jajaja jeng... You take a block from the bottom and you put it on top, you take a block from the middle and you put it on top...
If you know the rest, could you get back to me?
Thanx
Ted
Date: 25 Apr 2001 08:34:22 -0700
From: Ted
Do you remember that jenga song that starts like this:
Jenga, Jenga, jajaja jeng... You take a block from the bottom and you put it on top, you take a block from the middle and you put it on top...
If you know the rest, could you get back to me?
Thanx
Ted
Sunday, April 15, 2001
Zesty!
Subject: Zesty!
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2001 15:57:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mandy
Hello! I was wondering what you thought
about Taco Bell's zesty commercials. I personally prefer the
one when the guys are finding different ways to use the word
zesty.
Like the call waiting thing. Well, you seem to know a lot about commercials
and I was wondering if you knew where I could find the audio
of that commercial or the actual
commercial. It would mean a lot to me if I could. Thanks!
*Mandy*
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2001 15:57:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mandy
Hello! I was wondering what you thought
about Taco Bell's zesty commercials. I personally prefer the
one when the guys are finding different ways to use the word
zesty.
Like the call waiting thing. Well, you seem to know a lot about commercials
and I was wondering if you knew where I could find the audio
of that commercial or the actual
commercial. It would mean a lot to me if I could. Thanks!
*Mandy*
Thursday, January 25, 2001
You hate me
From: Bob Clendenin
Subj: You Hate Me
I'm the guy with the clicker in the Pepsi One spot.
At first I was offended when I saw that I made your hit list, but then I got
over it. I remember thinking how much I disliked the ad myself when it first
aired during the Super Bowl.
When we filmed it, the music they used was Curtis
Mayfield ('Superfly' and some other track). I just assumed this would be the
music in the actual spot. Then it airs and that stupid ass Bad Boys song is
playing. What the fuck, over? I remember at least one other ad airing around
that time with Curtis Mayfield, maybe they ran into legal problems.
My agent (and who believes agents) said later that
the spot was pulled after a short time because Cuba hated it. Who
knows.
Anyway, your site is great and you have a great
gift in writing style.
Good luck with everything.
Bob Clendenin
Subj: You Hate Me
I'm the guy with the clicker in the Pepsi One spot.
At first I was offended when I saw that I made your hit list, but then I got
over it. I remember thinking how much I disliked the ad myself when it first
aired during the Super Bowl.
When we filmed it, the music they used was Curtis
Mayfield ('Superfly' and some other track). I just assumed this would be the
music in the actual spot. Then it airs and that stupid ass Bad Boys song is
playing. What the fuck, over? I remember at least one other ad airing around
that time with Curtis Mayfield, maybe they ran into legal problems.
My agent (and who believes agents) said later that
the spot was pulled after a short time because Cuba hated it. Who
knows.
Anyway, your site is great and you have a great
gift in writing style.
Good luck with everything.
Bob Clendenin
Friday, January 01, 1999
The Queen of Stupid
Nate's Note:
Before you read what this person wrote,
I feel it is necessary for you to visit their homepage,
so you can see what we're dealing with here.
Please try to contain yourself and check this out:
I swear this is the page the person left in the guestbook.
Date: Dec 20, 1998
From: princess_batgirl@hotmail.com
I feel that some of your opinions regarding commercials
are true, but most of them are FALSE, FALSE, FALSE!!! The one
I mostly agree with are the Psychic ones, but that's about it!
I think that for one, you are a very racist person. For example,
instead of "some fat black lady", why can't you just
say, "some fat lady" or not even that! Why can't you
just say "some lady"? You're disrespecting a woman
by saying that. Now, like I said before, I don't like those (fake)
psychic commercials either, but you don't see me going around
calling people by their color. Maybe if you had of addressed
her in a more appropriate manner. I mean, you could use the words,
"fat" and "black", but in a more nicer way.
The way you said it sounded upright disrespectful.
And as for other commercials, you have no taste. Some of the
commercials you said stink are really good or even kind of good.
You obviously don't have a sense of humor or else you'd think
they're good, too. You might as well put all of the commercials
down! To you, EVERY commercial in the world stinks.
How about this? - What if you were in one of those commercials?
And don't you DARE say you wouldn't be because if you know that
if there was enough money involved, you'd be there beggin' them
to put you in. The only reason you wouldn't want to take the
job is if you felt that the product didn't live up to it's slogan
or something.
Another thing is this: if you're a guy, you have NO right
to judge those feminine commercials unless you've actually tested
their product before. How do you know what's what? I can see
if you're comin' out of the closet or if you're a woman, but
if you're not - what are you talking about? AND what gives? If
you're a guy, it really doesn't matter what you think about pad
and tampax commercials......or does it?
Somethin' else: it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out some of those commercials you mentioned! For example, that
pizza bagel thing means that if pizza's in a smaller form, you
can always eat it instead of carrying around a big triangular
slice or something. But I wouldn't expect YOU to figure THAT
one out (duh!).
And when people say "Happy Holidays, THEY'RE TRYING TO
BE NICE! - something you should try often. Maybe they're not
talking about Hannukah or Kwanzaa, but AT LEAST THEY ARE WISHING
YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! And how do you KNOW that they're not wishing
you something other than Christmas? Take another look.....Scrooge!
One last thing: there are a couple of commercials that you
didn't mention that do stink.
And how are you going to tell US what WE think?! Don't know
what I mean? What I mean is when you were talking about how NO
ONE likes some of the commercials you said! For example you said
something like, "I think I speak for everyone when I say
that this commercial is getting old..." or something like
that.
So, the next time you decide to judge a commercial, you should
1)Get someone else's opinion (other than yours)
2)Re-look the commercial to find out what 2+2 is.
Let's break this one down, shall we?
I feel that some of your opinions regarding commercials
are true, but most of them are FALSE, FALSE, FALSE!!!
Yeah, because opinions, by nature, are
either true or false.
The one I mostly agree with are the Psychic ones, but that's
about it! I think that for one, you are a very racist person.
For example, instead of "some fat black lady", why
can't you just say, "some fat lady" or not even that!
Why can't you just say "some lady"? You're disrespecting
a woman by saying that. Now, like I said before, I don't like
those (fake) psychic commercials either, but you don't see me
going around calling people by their color.
Christ, man, this is too much fun.
I'm disrespecting a woman by saying she's black?
There's nothing wrong with being black.
Sweetie, I believe the disrespect comes in at the word "fat".
Maybe if you had of addressed her in a more appropriate
manner. I mean, you could use the words, "fat" and
"black", but in a more nicer way.
Next time I should try to be more nicer.
The way you said it sounded upright disrespectful.
That's the way it sounded, huh? The way I said it.
And as for other commercials, you have no taste. Some of
the commercials you said stink are really good or even kind of
good. You obviously don't have a sense of humor or else you'd
think they're good, too. You might as well put all of the commercials
down! To you, EVERY commercial in the world stinks.
God damn, she's right! I have absolutely no sense of humor.
That's why the website isn't funny.
How about this? - What if you were in one of those commercials?
And don't you DARE say you wouldn't be because if you know that
if there was enough money involved, you'd be there beggin' them
to put you in. The only reason you wouldn't want to take the
job is if you felt that the product didn't live up to it's slogan
or something.
Honey, I think we know that if I was
in a commercial it wouldn't suck.
Another thing is this: if you're a guy, you have NO right
to judge those feminine commercials unless you've actually tested
their product before. How do you know what's what? I can see
if you're comin' out of the closet or if you're a woman, but
if you're not - what are you talking about? AND what gives? If
you're a guy, it really doesn't matter what you think about pad
and tampax commercials......or does it?
I can't judge a commercial until I've tested the product?
Why would I give my business to companies that annoy me?
I object to tampon commercials because I'm a man, not
in spite of that fact.
You're very clever with your "...or does it?"
Do you think gay men use tampons? Where would they go?
I suppose you enjoy tampon commercials.
You probably also enjoy Immature, twelve year-old boys
who sing about sex.
Somethin' else: it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out some of those commercials you mentioned! For example, that
pizza bagel thing means that if pizza's in a smaller form, you
can always eat it instead of carrying around a big triangular
slice or something. But I wouldn't expect YOU to figure THAT
one out (duh!).
"When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime."
I still don't get it.
And when people say "Happy Holidays, THEY'RE TRYING
TO BE NICE! - something you should try often. Maybe they're not
talking about Hannukah or Kwanzaa, but AT LEAST THEY ARE WISHING
YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! And how do you KNOW that they're not wishing
you something other than Christmas? Take another look.....Scrooge!
"Happy Holidays" is a euphemism for Merry Christmas.
It doesn't mean "Have a great holiday whatever religion you are."
It means "Merry Christmas and we'll say 'holiday' to calm down the Jews."
I don't have to look very hard to see a through a guy
in a Santa suit saying "Happy Holidays"
When Santa is lighting a menorah, then we're in business.
One last thing: there are a couple of commercials that
you didn't mention that do stink.
There a couple of people in China, too,
what's your point?
And how are you going to tell US what WE think?! Don't
know what I mean? What I mean is when you were talking about
how NO ONE likes some of the commercials you said! For example
you said something like, "I think I speak for everyone when
I say that this commercial is getting old..." or something
like that.
This website is still called "Commercials I Hate."
The "I" refers to me, Nathan Alexander.
This page is in no way meant to represent the iron law of the universe,
or the opinion of the Earth's population.
So, the next time you decide to judge a commercial, you should
1)Get someone else's opinion (other than yours)
2)Re-look the commercial to find out what 2+2 is.
It's always nice to get correspondence from
someone with a real command of the English language.
Please come back anytime.
Before you read what this person wrote,
I feel it is necessary for you to visit their homepage,
so you can see what we're dealing with here.
Please try to contain yourself and check this out:
I swear this is the page the person left in the guestbook.
Date: Dec 20, 1998
From: princess_batgirl@hotmail.com
I feel that some of your opinions regarding commercials
are true, but most of them are FALSE, FALSE, FALSE!!! The one
I mostly agree with are the Psychic ones, but that's about it!
I think that for one, you are a very racist person. For example,
instead of "some fat black lady", why can't you just
say, "some fat lady" or not even that! Why can't you
just say "some lady"? You're disrespecting a woman
by saying that. Now, like I said before, I don't like those (fake)
psychic commercials either, but you don't see me going around
calling people by their color. Maybe if you had of addressed
her in a more appropriate manner. I mean, you could use the words,
"fat" and "black", but in a more nicer way.
The way you said it sounded upright disrespectful.
And as for other commercials, you have no taste. Some of the
commercials you said stink are really good or even kind of good.
You obviously don't have a sense of humor or else you'd think
they're good, too. You might as well put all of the commercials
down! To you, EVERY commercial in the world stinks.
How about this? - What if you were in one of those commercials?
And don't you DARE say you wouldn't be because if you know that
if there was enough money involved, you'd be there beggin' them
to put you in. The only reason you wouldn't want to take the
job is if you felt that the product didn't live up to it's slogan
or something.
Another thing is this: if you're a guy, you have NO right
to judge those feminine commercials unless you've actually tested
their product before. How do you know what's what? I can see
if you're comin' out of the closet or if you're a woman, but
if you're not - what are you talking about? AND what gives? If
you're a guy, it really doesn't matter what you think about pad
and tampax commercials......or does it?
Somethin' else: it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out some of those commercials you mentioned! For example, that
pizza bagel thing means that if pizza's in a smaller form, you
can always eat it instead of carrying around a big triangular
slice or something. But I wouldn't expect YOU to figure THAT
one out (duh!).
And when people say "Happy Holidays, THEY'RE TRYING TO
BE NICE! - something you should try often. Maybe they're not
talking about Hannukah or Kwanzaa, but AT LEAST THEY ARE WISHING
YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! And how do you KNOW that they're not wishing
you something other than Christmas? Take another look.....Scrooge!
One last thing: there are a couple of commercials that you
didn't mention that do stink.
And how are you going to tell US what WE think?! Don't know
what I mean? What I mean is when you were talking about how NO
ONE likes some of the commercials you said! For example you said
something like, "I think I speak for everyone when I say
that this commercial is getting old..." or something like
that.
So, the next time you decide to judge a commercial, you should
1)Get someone else's opinion (other than yours)
2)Re-look the commercial to find out what 2+2 is.
Let's break this one down, shall we?
I feel that some of your opinions regarding commercials
are true, but most of them are FALSE, FALSE, FALSE!!!
Yeah, because opinions, by nature, are
either true or false.
The one I mostly agree with are the Psychic ones, but that's
about it! I think that for one, you are a very racist person.
For example, instead of "some fat black lady", why
can't you just say, "some fat lady" or not even that!
Why can't you just say "some lady"? You're disrespecting
a woman by saying that. Now, like I said before, I don't like
those (fake) psychic commercials either, but you don't see me
going around calling people by their color.
Christ, man, this is too much fun.
I'm disrespecting a woman by saying she's black?
There's nothing wrong with being black.
Sweetie, I believe the disrespect comes in at the word "fat".
Maybe if you had of addressed her in a more appropriate
manner. I mean, you could use the words, "fat" and
"black", but in a more nicer way.
Next time I should try to be more nicer.
The way you said it sounded upright disrespectful.
That's the way it sounded, huh? The way I said it.
And as for other commercials, you have no taste. Some of
the commercials you said stink are really good or even kind of
good. You obviously don't have a sense of humor or else you'd
think they're good, too. You might as well put all of the commercials
down! To you, EVERY commercial in the world stinks.
God damn, she's right! I have absolutely no sense of humor.
That's why the website isn't funny.
How about this? - What if you were in one of those commercials?
And don't you DARE say you wouldn't be because if you know that
if there was enough money involved, you'd be there beggin' them
to put you in. The only reason you wouldn't want to take the
job is if you felt that the product didn't live up to it's slogan
or something.
Honey, I think we know that if I was
in a commercial it wouldn't suck.
Another thing is this: if you're a guy, you have NO right
to judge those feminine commercials unless you've actually tested
their product before. How do you know what's what? I can see
if you're comin' out of the closet or if you're a woman, but
if you're not - what are you talking about? AND what gives? If
you're a guy, it really doesn't matter what you think about pad
and tampax commercials......or does it?
I can't judge a commercial until I've tested the product?
Why would I give my business to companies that annoy me?
I object to tampon commercials because I'm a man, not
in spite of that fact.
You're very clever with your "...or does it?"
Do you think gay men use tampons? Where would they go?
I suppose you enjoy tampon commercials.
You probably also enjoy Immature, twelve year-old boys
who sing about sex.
Somethin' else: it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out some of those commercials you mentioned! For example, that
pizza bagel thing means that if pizza's in a smaller form, you
can always eat it instead of carrying around a big triangular
slice or something. But I wouldn't expect YOU to figure THAT
one out (duh!).
"When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime."
I still don't get it.
And when people say "Happy Holidays, THEY'RE TRYING
TO BE NICE! - something you should try often. Maybe they're not
talking about Hannukah or Kwanzaa, but AT LEAST THEY ARE WISHING
YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! And how do you KNOW that they're not wishing
you something other than Christmas? Take another look.....Scrooge!
"Happy Holidays" is a euphemism for Merry Christmas.
It doesn't mean "Have a great holiday whatever religion you are."
It means "Merry Christmas and we'll say 'holiday' to calm down the Jews."
I don't have to look very hard to see a through a guy
in a Santa suit saying "Happy Holidays"
When Santa is lighting a menorah, then we're in business.
One last thing: there are a couple of commercials that
you didn't mention that do stink.
There a couple of people in China, too,
what's your point?
And how are you going to tell US what WE think?! Don't
know what I mean? What I mean is when you were talking about
how NO ONE likes some of the commercials you said! For example
you said something like, "I think I speak for everyone when
I say that this commercial is getting old..." or something
like that.
This website is still called "Commercials I Hate."
The "I" refers to me, Nathan Alexander.
This page is in no way meant to represent the iron law of the universe,
or the opinion of the Earth's population.
So, the next time you decide to judge a commercial, you should
1)Get someone else's opinion (other than yours)
2)Re-look the commercial to find out what 2+2 is.
It's always nice to get correspondence from
someone with a real command of the English language.
Please come back anytime.
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