Commercials to hate

I know you had to limit your rage towards the commercial truly deserving of scorn, but I can't see why you didn't mention:

-- NyQuil: remember that awful lady who still awake with a cold but her husband took NyQuil so he's sleeping like a cadaver? And just to make your butt clench hard enough to crack walnuts, at the end of her whinefest she lets out an ear-piercing, glass shattering "SHRIEK! WHY???!" Hell, that NyQuil must be some pretty potent stuff if it not only makes the cold aches go away, but you're so zonked out that you can't even hear the screeching banshee laying next to him in bed.

-- Ditech.com: It looked lame when the commercials used to have a cheaply-CGI'ed computer monitor creep up and jump on you, but it raced downhill when they brought in the lardassed loan officer. What kind of redneck bonehead is gonna look at these things and say "Yuh know. Ize been wuntin' to get me one of them new cars and have it made up all purty like with the Dale Earnhart 43 on the side. Maybe Ize gunnuh call up this here die-tek and see how much my trailer's worth?".

-- Jewelry commercials on any holiday season: you know the ones, but the WORST one I ever witnessed was this outrageous scene with a lady and this little snotnose daughter of her's:

DAUGHTER: "Mommy, what's that?"

Mom: "Oh, that's a new diamond bracelet that Daddy gave me."

Daughter: "Wow! Daddy must love youUUUUU VERRRRRRY MMMMMMMuch."

Why not just come out and display gigantic red letters that scream "GET YOUR WIFE SOME EXPENSIVE SH*T FROM US OR SHE'S GONNA THINK YOU HATE HER AND SHE'LL DIVORCE YOU AND TAKE THE HOUSE AND YOU'LL ROT IN A ONE-ROOM EFFECIENCY APARTMENT BECAUSE THE ALIMONY IS SLOWING KILLING YOUR SOULLLLLL!!!!!!"? Never mind the fact that a lot of these diamonds just happen to come from third-world crapholes in Africa run by armed gangs, and in some cases the money gets funneled to terrorist groups like Al Queda. Daddy had better go out into the snowstorm and bring home to Mommy some overpriced bling-bling to prove he loves her, or he's gonna get served some papers and find his ass living put of the Motel 6.

-- Lexus commercials at Xmastime: How many people can actually afford a Lexus, let alone GIVE one away as a Christmas gift? For all that money, the dealership had BETTER toss in that big ridiculous bow on top for free or Missy's just gonna have to do with a Porsche this Christmas. I'll tell you that!

- Michael Hirtes